“THAT Girl”

What is it that makes us all so afraid of being “THAT girl?” Insert exaggerated eye roll. “THAT girl” who has absolutely no business doing whatever it is she’s trying to do because well, she just looks freakin’ ridiculous, imperfect, unworthy, like a beginner…. You fill in the blank. I’d love to know – have any of us actually died from or known anyone who’s died from looking a little silly? I assume no. And yet we let this paralyzing fear of what other people might think rob us of so many incredible experiences and opportunities! Why do we give it so much power?!

I’d been avoiding my first studio yoga class since my injury, and for much longer before that than I care to admit actually, because I didn’t want to be “THAT girl.” I’m supposed to be a yoga instructor aren’t I? A Lululemon model who flows gracefully into Bird of Paradise in designer spandex without breaking a sweat in 95 degree heat. I’m not supposed to be “THAT girl.” But I definitely felt like her and truthfully always had. I was out of shape, out of practice and unable to bend into my lower back. Despite my ego, it was time to stop hiding and to show up.  To bring back the practice that breathes life into me despite my lack of confidence. So I went, to a new studio and to a class taught by an instructor that taught me how to teach yoga and knows who an instructor is “supposed” to be. I sucked up my pride and was ready to be “THAT girl” I was so afraid to be and to begin my practice again. As I lay there before class nestled safely in the comfort of my own mat I reminded myself that the hardest part really is just getting there. I thought fondly about classes past and was immediately hit with the truth – In all my years as a yoga student and an instructor, I had never actually seen “THAT girl.” Instead I’ve seen a girl brave enough to kick fear in the face, who takes a chance on something new and uncomfortable, who stands naked, exposed and vulnerable in front of a class and herself praying there is actually a reward on the other side. Someone who stumbles but learns to laugh it off and pick herself back up. Who learns to practice a yoga meant just for her, customized to fit her unique body and needs in the present moment. Someone who has already discovered something by just walking through the front door. She’s learned that her imagination is full of shit because “THAT girl” doesn’t actually exist! And everyone else has seen her too.

So I yoga-ed and I survived. I emerged a little bit stronger, a little bit looser, and with the coveted post-yoga high I had missed so much. Rewarded with the knowledge that THIS girl is real, imperfect, ever-changing and kind of a badass when she allows herself to see it.

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” – Elenor Roosevelt

Namaste,

Lara